


London Tipton and the Green Diamond the Size of the Sun

by sombreromoustache



Category: Suite Life of Zack & Cody
Genre: Character Death, Crack Crossover, Gen, Shotgun, Time Travel, Troll Fic, Zack and cody die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:55:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22813435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sombreromoustache/pseuds/sombreromoustache
Summary: London Tipton is bored as shit with these scientists until she hears about some new jewels. And with being the richest person in the world, she decides to time travel. But there will be opposition.
Kudos: 1





	London Tipton and the Green Diamond the Size of the Sun

“And at the end of our sun’s life cycle, at the very end of it all, it will turn into a diamond,” Entrapta explained to the group.  
For the most part, London Tipton had been ignoring the purple-haired engineer until she heard the phrase, ‘giant diamond.’ True she was richer than Jeff Bezos’s pile of toilet paper, but a giant diamond couldn’t hurt being a part of her entourage.  
“I!” she declared, “Need that diamond! How do we get it?!”  
The weird ass dinosaur lesbian Dr. Alphys stuttered, “Uh. We’d have to wait billions of years for the sun to turn into a red giant, then a white dwarf, a black dwarf, and then a diamond.”  
“I, will wait,” London declared.  
Dr. Kane shook his head, “Your bones will be nothing when that time comes around.”  
Now London grew angry and shouted, “My daddy hires all of you to be smart, god dammit! And I want that fucking diamond! So find it or else!”  
Dexter decided to find out what else meant, “Or else what?”  
London pulled out a double barrel shotgun from her purse and loaded it with buckshot, “Or I’m gonna take fuckin’ names!” and she flicked her tongue out rapidly to illustrate how batshit insane she was being.  
Taking the hint the four scientists went to work to somehow get this future diamond. They realized that they would have to invent time travel, and with being scientists under threat of death and utilizing collaboration and billionaire funding, they were able to create a time machine out a traction engine they found on the Island of Sodor.  
“The reverend didn’t save you, Trevor. London saved you! And you’re gonna be a time machine!” Jim Cole declared.  
“Will I be around children?” Trevor asked as chains were wrapped around him.  
“You have a child fetish and it’s not healthy,” George Carlin explained as Trevor was lifted from the Island to Boston where London’s scientists turned him into a time machine.  
Then Zack and Cody came in and asked, “Say London, whatcha up to?!”  
She shot them dead, not wanting to deal with her bullshit when Gucci was in the way. After three days of hard labor, Entrapta, Alphys, Kane, and Dexter showed the completed time machine.  
“So,” London said as she was putting on an expensive suit made from the furs of extinct racoons.  
She was going to finish her sentence but she got onto Trevor and activated the time machine and went back in time until she was at a point in time where the sun became a diamond. She flew over to it and attached cables to her time machine and flew it to where the earth was supposed to be in the current timeline. The diamond was green and very gucci. When she was going to return, everyone was going to be green with envy for how fucking amazing and rich she was going to be with her green diamond. Perhaps she was going to use her money to buy out the world and make everyone shove dildoes up their butts unless they wanted London to send the secret police after them. Maybe she’ll buy Jeff Bezos and make him her personal slave. Or she could just hang him.  
But no, London was going to use that diamond to buy every clothes ever. And have the world's best wardrobe.  
London was about to go back in time when, “WHAT’S UP BITCH IT’S YOUR BOY, FILTHY FRANK!”  
In the present Filthy Frank caught wind of London’s time travelling and had the scientists whip up a time machine to go along. He chose Percy because he wanted some of that Percy’s ass. And after having sex with a steam locomotive, he travelled far into the future and wanted to fuck with London.  
Because it was just a prank bro.  
“Filthy Frank you rat bastard!” London cursed, “Hear to steal my gucci?!”  
“No I’m here to fuck with you, didn’t you read the expository text?” Francis of the Filth politely explained.  
“Whatever, this diamond is mine!”  
“I don’t care,” Filthy Frank drew out his lightsaber, “That diamond is gonna be Pink Guy’s new butt plug. Ain’t that right Pink Guy?!”  
Filthy Frank’s sexual harassment was so strong that it reached into the past and caused fear into Pink Guy’s soul, “B0SS! B0SS PLEASE!”  
He drew his lightsaber and did battle with London. Their battle was fierce and destroyed what little was left of the solar system. The universe would feel the ramifications of their sword strikes for epochs to come.  
But in the end, London Tipton raised Filthy Frank’s severed head and dropped it into a black hole, unknowingly not knowing that it was a wormhole, that sent Filthy Frank’s severed head back in time, into Pink Guy’s butt hole where he became his new butt plug.  
“It’s just a prank, bro!”  
London took her diamond to the present day, but came to a horror. You see, she was bringing back a diamond that was the size of the sun. And true, the current physics and laws of reality dictated that time travel was impossible because there’s only a finite amount of matter into the universe and if you brought so much matter with you from another time, you would be bringing in new matter, thus breaking several laws of the universe. This is why Stephen Hawking argued that time travel was impossible. But that wasn’t the issue because I decided to ignore Stephen Hawking because he was dead as a doornail and time travel can safely exist without him. RIP Stephen Hawking, you had my respect.  
No the real issue was that London brought a star-sized object right next to the fucking earth. This actually and literally fucked with the entire solar system. The sun didn’t know what to do with something the size of it existing next to it and started revolving around this diamond. The diamond also was revolving around the sun as well, similar to how Pluto and Charon revolved around each other. And because the solar system now depended on this, for if the diamond was put back, everything would fuck up or something, the governments ordered London to leave the diamond be for free.  
She was pissed. She spent $100,000,000 on this time travel project to go and get a diamond.  
She wasted her fucking weekly allowance.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry i misspelled Dr. Cain, lolololol pls rate the fic with five stars. No h8, don't like don't read


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